Losing yourself in love

Relationships are tough. No one ever said that they were easy. No one ever said that things would be perfect and if you honestly believe that they will be, then you have a rude awakening headed your way. I'm not saying that a relationship can't feel perfect or that you'll never be head over heels in love forever, but things like this take time, patience, and most of all personal effort from both people in the relationship.

I fell in love. Deep in love. No it wasn't puppy love or whatever you want to call it. I'm still deep in love but I'm at the, what it feels like, rock bottom part of the relationship. Everyone must have these times right? The time where you feel like you're not meeting eye to eye and the littlest things can set you off? I'm genuinely a nice girl with established morals and values. I don't let petty things get the best of me...

I've found myself now doing the complete opposite. I get impatient and frustrated with the dumbest things. When I say dumb I mean DUMB. I've become bitter and selfish. Who is this girl? This is NOT Olivia. I don't like this girl that I've become. With all of the constant arguing and bickering back and forth I can honestly say that I'm losing my best friend and the love of my life.

I've been trying everything I can possibly do to fix this...I don't like being this way. Trust me, I don't. I catch my self rolling my eyes, or getting in a bad mood over something not worth it almost immediately after I do it. I try and apologize over and over, but sorry starts to lose it's meaning after it's said a thousand times. I love him so much and I want to go back to being the girl he fell in love with. The nice girl who always had a smile on her face. The girl who would enjoy every single second she was with him...

Although I do know that I need to fix myself, I ultimately need help from the one I love. I need for him to understand that I am trying to change and be different. I need for him to give me the chance to show him that I can do this. A chance to prove myself and show him that I'm not this girl and that I can make him happy like I once did. Let's put the past behind us and start a new beginning. I know we can do this. I need for him to stop holding grudges over my head and live for today. It's not healthy for him to throw all my mistakes in my face whenever he's upset with me. It's just not fair. It's not right when you verbally abuse me either. It seems like every time I do something to piss you off, you tear me down with words. That's not the old you either. That's not the guy I fell in love with. It's not always just me, believe it or not. It takes two to tango. I am willing to man up to my problems and swallow my pride to make things right. (Not saying that you don't)...I'm young, and I make mistakes. Everyone does...but we need these mistakes to learn from and put towards our future.

I need to find the old Olivia. I don't like who I've become and I don't like the way I've treated him. I can honestly say that's not me. That's not the person I really am. For now, I'm just going to have to work on myself and get back to the way I used to be. I've completely lost myself, and that's not fair to him. If it's meant to be, we'll find our way to each other again. If not, then I know now that I can't ever let myself get like this. I won't let myself get like this.

-Olivia Elise

Hardest goodbye

I just got done saying goodbye to Anthony. This has been by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I just wanted to hug him and never let go. My best friend is leaving me and I feel so clueless and don't know what to do without him. I definitely made sure those last few moments with him were the best I could make them. Even though San Antonio is not too far away, it feels as if he's moving to another state! I am just being the biggest baby right now and can not stop balling my eyes out. If you only knew how close I am with him and his family then you would know how much this is effecting me. I am at a loss for words right now....I'm going to miss him so much!

-Olivia Elise

Goldenwest

This song is so goooood. Loves!

-Olivia Elise

You know those "Relationship101" quote people you can follow on twitter? Well I absolutely love them! Here are a few that I relate to right at this moment...

-Everyone comes into your life for a reason; some good, some bad. They shape, form, and break us. But in the end they make us who we are.

-When two peple are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart. (my favorite)

-Never Expect. Never Assume. Never ask. Never demand. Just let it be, if it's meant to be, it will happen.

-NEVER give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about.

-I knew I could do better for myself...that's when I found you.

-I can talk to hundreds of people in one day but none of them compare to the smile you can give me in one minute.

-When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares.

-Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apolgize when you should, and let go of what you can't change.

-Meeting youwas fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling love with you was beyond my control.

180 degrees

There are so many emotions that have happened in just the last 48 hours. Happy, angry, sad...things have definitely gone from cloud nine to rock bottom unbelievably fast. I honestly had no clue how to handle all of this. I went and still am in a deep depression. I've lost my soul mate and my best friend. I feel like dying right now! I'm feeling so down it's crazy! I feel like I do everything wrong and right when I start to get things under control and perfect...BAM! it's all gone...you have no idea how worthless I feel. I've never been so hard on myself. I'm seriously beating myself up for everything. I had the best thing I could ever want or need. I wish I could be given the chance to start fresh and make things right...make things better. I am a different person! I am not the person he's portraying me to be. I love him so much...words can't even describe the love I have for this boy. I would literally do ANYTHING for him. I know we are meant to be together and I will try with all that I have to make sure that we are together again! I love him seriously way too much to just let him go. I will NOT let him go! I can't sleep, or eat until I'm in his arms again. I miss every single thing about him. I feel like a stupid girl, being so dramatic about everything...but I honestly feel like giving up everything. With him not wanting anything to do with me has really discouraged me and unmotivated me to do anything...all that I ask is to have another chance...doesn't everyone deserve a second chance...a chance to prove themselves...a chance to make things right? I'm telling you, I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for that second chance! My love that I have for him is so incredibly real! I just beg on my shameful knees that he'll give me that chance. I promise I'll make him that happiest man ever....I love him :(

Lyrical Heartbreak

A few lyrics thats I'm relating to right now....


So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying im sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom is nothing but missing you
Wishing Ihad realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and make it all right.
Taylor Swift- Back to December

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay
I'm falling to pieces, yeah, I'm falling to pieces.
The Script- Breakeven

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again
I'll put my hands up, I'll do everything different, I'll be better to you
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again
I'll put my hands up, I'll be somebody different, I'll be better to you
Adele-I'll be waiting

Even when the sky comes falling, even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I,
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
You can do it baby simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing
Miguel-Sure Thing


We say that time is meant to heal bit it still hurts inside
I wish that non of this was real cause we're so far behind
You've been all alone needing me by your side
But it's not too late, maybe we just needed time
Can we try to let it go? If we don't then we'll never know
I try to break through but you know that it's up to you
Colbie Callait- Break Through

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken.
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say, and watching you walk away.
Rascal Flatts- What Hurts The Most


:(

Cover

Taylor and I just covered this song! So goooood haha I'll have our version up sooon!

-Olivia Elise

Long time, no blog!

Heyyyy everyone! I've been taking a little break with blogging due to excessive studying and catching up on my sleep. I swear school drains the life outta me! Now that finals are over and summer has arrived I think it's time for me to get back on track with my blogging. I have been so busy lately and I can't say I'm complaining! Between work, school, sleep and my social life I've been non stop for the past month! So much has been going through my mind and being busy defnitely allows me to not be as stressed as I'd usually be which is great! On another note, Anthony moves to San Antonio in less than a week! Ahhh! The time is flying by and it honestly hasn't hit me until right now! What will I do without my best friend?! It would be a good thing if I didn't have summer school or a hectic work schedule cause then I could go down there whenever I wanted. I know that I'll still find time to see him as he'll do the same and come down here but it'll definitely be a lot more difficult. Besides that, I know that things will be just fine and I honestly think that this will bring us a lot closer.


I have tons more to talk about but I have to start getting ready for work -_- So for now, to be continued....


-Olivia Elise

Drifting apart

Things are NOT the same anymore and it's slowly tearing me down. I don't know what to do with myself. You were my best friend. I feel like I can't even tell you anything anymore without you getting mad or defensive. Your moving date gets closer and closer and all that keeps going through my mind is the fact that we will be even more distant than we are now. My heart is literally breaking and I dont know if it can be put back together if I dont have you. I've been trying my best to do absolutely anything and everything to be with you again and I just keep getting shut down! I think I've come to the conclusion to just let things be and to not talk to you anymore. It's too hard to just "be friends"...it's not possible...at least not for me. Every time we hang out as "friends" it just brings more feelings and I just set myself up for heartbreak. I hate feeling this way. This is the worst feeling ever. Something's gotta change.