180 degrees

There are so many emotions that have happened in just the last 48 hours. Happy, angry, sad...things have definitely gone from cloud nine to rock bottom unbelievably fast. I honestly had no clue how to handle all of this. I went and still am in a deep depression. I've lost my soul mate and my best friend. I feel like dying right now! I'm feeling so down it's crazy! I feel like I do everything wrong and right when I start to get things under control and perfect...BAM! it's all gone...you have no idea how worthless I feel. I've never been so hard on myself. I'm seriously beating myself up for everything. I had the best thing I could ever want or need. I wish I could be given the chance to start fresh and make things right...make things better. I am a different person! I am not the person he's portraying me to be. I love him so much...words can't even describe the love I have for this boy. I would literally do ANYTHING for him. I know we are meant to be together and I will try with all that I have to make sure that we are together again! I love him seriously way too much to just let him go. I will NOT let him go! I can't sleep, or eat until I'm in his arms again. I miss every single thing about him. I feel like a stupid girl, being so dramatic about everything...but I honestly feel like giving up everything. With him not wanting anything to do with me has really discouraged me and unmotivated me to do anything...all that I ask is to have another chance...doesn't everyone deserve a second chance...a chance to prove themselves...a chance to make things right? I'm telling you, I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for that second chance! My love that I have for him is so incredibly real! I just beg on my shameful knees that he'll give me that chance. I promise I'll make him that happiest man ever....I love him :(